Third Day of Captivity

j0305756So.  I am blogging at ungodly hour on a Saturday morning, an extra-large mug of Mud Pie coffee at hand.  It’s the third day of captivity, and I am getting restless.  Oh, sorry.  I slipped into survivor mode there for a minute.  What I meant to type is that the sleep experiment, day three, isn’t working.  Oh, I know, it takes three weeks for a habit to form (thanks for the reminder, Iratwo),  but this is bullshit, really.  I got up at eight-thirty, and I am ready to go back to bed.  I am MORE fucking tired now than I am after four or five hours of sleep.  WTF?  That isn’t the way it’s supposed to work.

In addition, stupid dreams keep me from actually feeling rested.  I have had this problem for most of my life, and I’m wondering if some of it is biological.  I’ve told this story before, but when I was a wee lass of seven or eight, I would stuff a towel under the door so my parents couldn’t see the light.  Then, I would read until midnight or whenever I actually felt sleepy.  So even then, I never went to bed before midnight.

So am I going against my own better nature?  Science would say, no.  It is common belief that we are meant to sleep at night and be awake during the day.  However, I wonder if some of that is, in part, because we didn’t use to have artificial lighting.  I mean, it’s pretty damn near impossible to get farm chores done in the dark.   Now that we have electricity, does it really matter if we sleep at night or during the day?

Oops.  I derailed myself.  The thing is, if I am going to continue this experiment, I have to do more than just be in bed by one.  I have to not exercise right before going to bed, not drink caffeine after, say, noon, and I have to get off the computer at least an hour before going to bed to give my brain time to unwind.

In other words, I have to commit fully to an early sleeptime and do everything in my power not to fuck it up.  I can’t just do it halfway.  Do I go all out and double down on a reasonable sleep schedule or do I just say, fuck it.  I”m a night person and let it go at that?  I have to think about it.

On a completely different, well, no, just a different angle…I wonder if I need to try the old stay up until I drop from exhaustion thing again.

I can’t keep going like this.  My brain is fuzzy, and I sometimes can’t complete a thought.  I hate that more than anything.  It’s as if I have a faulty wire somewhere in my brain that keeps shorting out.  If there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s my intellect.  It kills me when I can’t even form a coherent sentence.  I was doing some work for my brother, and I saw the word “frame”.  It looked completely wrong to me, so I looked it up in the dictionary.  Oh, I knew it was right, but I couldn’t assimiliate it into my brain.  I wanted to spell it fraim, and I’ve been using this word all my fucking life!

I am getting desperate.  I will do the sleep study thing, and then I will take it from there.  I am asking for suggestions, but here is what I’ve already tried:

Sleeping pills; valerian; melatonin; lavendar; hot baths; sleep deprivation; deep breathing; mind quieting; scrying; reading; soft music; white noise machine; mask; ear plugs; sleep charms; naps; no naps.  That’s just off the top of my head.  Help!

12 Responses to Third Day of Captivity

  1. I can really relate to your tales of needing to stay up until you practically fall over asleep. It used to be that it took me hours to fall asleep if I went to bed rather than using the above mentioned approach.

    One thing that can help is eating breakfast and avoiding eating too late in the evening. (I never used to be a breakfast person.) The latter helps you fall asleep, the former helps set your body clock as it will wake you up in anticipation of that morning meal.

    In any event, I wanted to leave you this link since I was too late to the thread on Cole’s site to catch you.

  2. Hi, gex! Good to see you on my blog. Ah, yes. Eating. The other bane of my existence. I love food, but I have a messed-up relationship with it. I also take a thyroid med in the morning, and I can’t eat for an hour after I take it. I am not a breakfast person, either. I will give it a try, though. I can definitely stop eating well before going to bed. Any other suggestions?

    As for Favre, I don’t want his prima donna ass on MY team. I have a soft spot for Tavaris, but I have no idea if he is ever going to really bloom. Sigh.

    Edit: Our team. I will share the Vikes with you.

  3. Okay, you need to stop being me now. Are you hypothyroid or hyperthyroid? Because I’m hypothyroid. The Minnesota thing, the Asian woman thing, the queer thing, now this?

    Gack. Have I got DID and am really just reading my own blog?!?!


  4. Well if you can stomach it, physical activity. After I got Casey (my dog) I started walking him twice a day for 30+ minutes each. I think that was a real help in being able to fall asleep soon after going to bed. It’s not even a strenuous walk. Just a pleasant stroll, really.

    Also, since my waking/sleep schedule improved I’ve been able to discover how much caffeine affects my ability to fall asleep. I trust you cut off the caffeine spigot at a certain point in the day?

  5. gex, I WAS hyper, and now I’m hypo because I got my thyroid all shot to hell. Shit. Maybe you are me, and I am you. Woah. Do you have cats and tattoos?

  6. gex, I do exercise every day. I have a pedometer, and I am building up my steps. The problem is, every time I reach a certain plateau, I get sick.

    I also do taiji. I love it. I try to keep my caffeine intake limited to at least twelve hours before I go to bed. I really need to do the sleep study.

  7. Hang in there! I’ll miss reading your blog, and our witty FB banter for the next few days. But I’ll catch up when I’m back.

  8. Choolie, have fun going analog! You should be getting up right about now. I’ve been up for an hour, damn it. I woke up four times in six hours. Bah.

  9. I recently quit taking my thyroid medicine in the morning, finding that late afternoon worked better for me–when I put off breakfast for an hour, I would often skip it all together, then feel sort of blah during the day after eating too much for lunch because I was hungry. So that might be something to consider, too.

    Also: don’t have your clock where you can easily see it while you toss and turn. Knowing how early you are awake or how soon you are awake again just increases the stress of not-sleeping. It’s easy for me because I have a pretty bad astigmatism that makes reading a digital display nearly impossible from across the room. But just turning the clock so it’s at an angle you can’t easily see might help, too.

    I’ve been in your boat, so I know how rotten it is. Good luck.

  10. tess, I never thought about delaying my meds until later. That’s brilliant! I will have to try that. I am like you. If I have to wait that hour, then I often don’t eat for a few hours.

    I have my clock turned away from me so I can’t see it at all. I admit I often have the impulse to turn it and look at it as I count the seconds in my head, but I don’t.

    Thanks for the suggestion on the meds.

  11. 3 cats, 1 dog, no tattoos. Whew, at least I know that I am me now, and not you. I do want to get a tattoo someday, as soon as I decide what I want to have permanently inked onto my body.

    Tess’ suggestion on the meds is terrific. I may do that too.

    And of course, I’m out of ideas/suggestions. Ultimately for me I think that the sleep thing straightened out when my body/psyche were ready for it to straighten out. Not that that’s helpful for you. Wishing you well on your sleep endeavors…

  12. gex, whew! You are not one of my many inner voices bursting to be free.

    I think once I do the sleep study and try a few other suggestions, it really is about getting my psyche where it needs to be. As with many things for me, it gets worse before it gets better. I hope.