So. I am blogging at ungodly hour on a Saturday morning, an extra-large mug of Mud Pie coffee at hand. It’s the third day of captivity, and I am getting restless. Oh, sorry. I slipped into survivor mode there for a minute. What I meant to type is that the sleep experiment, day three, isn’t working. Oh, I know, it takes three weeks for a habit to form (thanks for the reminder, Iratwo), but this is bullshit, really. I got up at eight-thirty, and I am ready to go back to bed. I am MORE fucking tired now than I am after four or five hours of sleep. WTF? That isn’t the way it’s supposed to work.
In addition, stupid dreams keep me from actually feeling rested. I have had this problem for most of my life, and I’m wondering if some of it is biological. I’ve told this story before, but when I was a wee lass of seven or eight, I would stuff a towel under the door so my parents couldn’t see the light. Then, I would read until midnight or whenever I actually felt sleepy. So even then, I never went to bed before midnight.
So am I going against my own better nature? Science would say, no. It is common belief that we are meant to sleep at night and be awake during the day. However, I wonder if some of that is, in part, because we didn’t use to have artificial lighting. I mean, it’s pretty damn near impossible to get farm chores done in the dark. Now that we have electricity, does it really matter if we sleep at night or during the day?
Oops. I derailed myself. The thing is, if I am going to continue this experiment, I have to do more than just be in bed by one. I have to not exercise right before going to bed, not drink caffeine after, say, noon, and I have to get off the computer at least an hour before going to bed to give my brain time to unwind.
In other words, I have to commit fully to an early sleeptime and do everything in my power not to fuck it up. I can’t just do it halfway. Do I go all out and double down on a reasonable sleep schedule or do I just say, fuck it. I”m a night person and let it go at that? I have to think about it.
On a completely different, well, no, just a different angle…I wonder if I need to try the old stay up until I drop from exhaustion thing again.
I can’t keep going like this. My brain is fuzzy, and I sometimes can’t complete a thought. I hate that more than anything. It’s as if I have a faulty wire somewhere in my brain that keeps shorting out. If there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s my intellect. It kills me when I can’t even form a coherent sentence. I was doing some work for my brother, and I saw the word “frame”. It looked completely wrong to me, so I looked it up in the dictionary. Oh, I knew it was right, but I couldn’t assimiliate it into my brain. I wanted to spell it fraim, and I’ve been using this word all my fucking life!
I am getting desperate. I will do the sleep study thing, and then I will take it from there. I am asking for suggestions, but here is what I’ve already tried:
Sleeping pills; valerian; melatonin; lavendar; hot baths; sleep deprivation; deep breathing; mind quieting; scrying; reading; soft music; white noise machine; mask; ear plugs; sleep charms; naps; no naps. That’s just off the top of my head. Help!