Monthly Archives: December 2009

A Blessing and a Curse

Ever since I was little, I was taught to hide my emotions–especially the negative ones.  Or rather, the ones perceived as negative.  Anger.  Sadness.  Pain.  Hurt.  Disappointment.  Not allowed in my family.  Except, as I have said, by my father.  I was told I didn’t feel anger.  I was yelled at if I ever did… Continue Reading

Monsters in My Head

There are monsters in my head.  I call them my demons, but they are more like monsters.  Longtime readers are well-acquainted with my demons because I talk about them quite often.  They have taken several guises over the years, but their constant goal is the obliteration of me.  I had one I called the Dictator… Continue Reading

Learning Some Hard Truths

I had a really hard therapy session today.  My therapist told me some things I didn’t want to hear, but in the end, they were exactly what I needed to hear. To make a short story long, I have to give some background.  Here it is.  I am lazy.  Ok, I hear people protesting.  “Minna,”… Continue Reading

Blowin’ and Throwin’

I’m mad.  I’m mad that I have to be dealing with this eating bullshit again, especially now.  I’m mad that as a highly-intelligent woman, I can’t stop equating my worth to a number on the scale.  I mean, my blood pressure is a steady 120/80, and my cholesterol is low.  My pulse is good, and… Continue Reading

It’s Not Just Food

Ok.  I had my therapist appointment today, and we discovered that I am fucked up when it comes to food.  No, really!  I know, amazing, but true.  I have had ED issues since I was eighteen.  Twenty years.  To recap, I went on a strict diet right before going to college because I decided that… Continue Reading