Category Archives: Movie Reviews The Adult Version

HP #6, 2 Disc DVD Set

I got the 2 DVD Special Edition–note, why not just make them all 2 DVD sets?  Seriously.  I hate all this Special Edition shit–Set of the 6th Harry Potter movie.  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I reviewed it here.   I started with the second DVD, the one with the special features, because we all know the reason I buy the DVD set in the first place:  moar Alan Rickman!

Now, I realize the stupidity of this wish because the HP movies are kids movies, thus, most of the focus is on the trio and their friends.  Still, I always hope for one deleted Snape scene.  Just one.  That’s not too much to ask, is it?  I mean, I know that Alan Rickman is perfection itself and that to delete one of his scenes would be a travesty, but really!  One snippet, one quote from him, any scrap I can get.

I slog my way through the painfully unfunny behind-the-scenes shtick.  The actual behind-the-scenes look is interesting, but the patter that accompanies it is cringe-worthy.  I work my way through (doing my exercise, to the soundtrack of Hedwig and the Angry Inch) a grinning Tom Felton (Draco) asking his costars a variety of questions.  I start the commercial for the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando (is Alan Rickman going to be there?  No?  Then who the fuck cares?), but since they don’t actually show the theme park, I get bored and fast-forward through it.

Finally, I watched the deleted scenes.  Mostly of the kids.  I am getting gloomier and gloomier as each deleted scene goes by with nary a hint of Alan Rickman.  Then, in the penultimate (I think) scene, ooooooooooh!  There he is!  Dark, gloomy, and the light shines upon Snape, his dark eyes glittering….Will he speak?  Is he going to speak?  Oh, please let him—and cut to Draco.  Damn!

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (The Adult Review)

I saw the newest Harry Potter movie tonight.  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince It’s been ages since I read the book, which is a good thing because otherwise, I would be obsessed with everything that’s been cut.  As I have stated before, though, the books (as well as the movies) are instantly forgettable once consumed, so it’s all good.

At some point, probably when I buy the DVD (and you know I will), I will do an actual review of the movie in which I will discuss plot, acting, how the kids have grown, etc.  This will not be that review.  Instead, this will be the adult review in which you get to see how I watch a Harry Potter movie.  Sit back and enjoy.

First of all, Natasha (my movie-seeing friend) and I went to the Heights Theater, which has the best viewing experience, bar none.  It’s next door to a Dairy Queen and owned by the same person, so you can bring your DQ treat (Girl Scout Tagalongs blizzard with chocolate ice cream, bitches!) into the movie with you.  I bought a giant diet pop at the movie theater (I really am mainlining the caffeine these days in order to stay awake), and I was set.

First thing you notice is that the theater looks like an old-timey stage theater.  It has a red velvet curtain, and there is an organ player (a live one) on the weekends.  I love that touch.  Natasha informs me that I can not moan or groan or I will have to move to the end of the aisle.  I ask if I can sigh.  She says yes.  I ask if I can sigh deeply.  She says yes.  I say I will try to time it in sync with the action.  There is one trailer, in this case for Guy Ritchie’s (insert annoyed eye-roll here) Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Fucking Downey Jr., who looks unnervingly like Al Pacino in the trailer.  Jude Law is Watson, and I asked Natasha why they even bother calling the movie Sherlock Holmes?  It looks like it’s trying to be an edgy, updated version, but it loses all that makes Holmes Holmes in the process.   No fucking point.

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