1:34 a.m. 12/30/31/04
I have come upon a dichotomy within that I truly cannot explain. It’s been a slow realization, but now I must acknowledge it. I love Brits. Why is this a dichotomy? Because I hate their country. Now, that’s probably not fair of me because it was twelve and a half years ago that they were reluctant to let me into the damn country, but I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. I’m not over it yet, and I don’t think I’ll ever be. Then again, I get searched almost every time I travel in the United States as well, but nothing like the grilling customs gave to me when I tried to break into the motherland.
So, with my great antipathy for this country, why is it that I’m totally gone on her products? Take a look at my list of celebrity crushes, and you’ll notice that a disproportionate number of them come from the Greater U.K. Alan Rickman, Kate Winslet, Jason Isaacs, Ewan McGregor, David Thewlis, Hugh Laurie, Anthony Stewart Head, and Jamie Oliver. Good lord. I really do have a hard-on for the Brits. Why, oh why? Well, for starters, I love accents. I have no idea why, but I just love them. Seems I like Greater U.K. accents the best, though I have no idea why. It sounds so elegant, and all the swear words don’t sound like real swear words.
I’m in dire need of an intervention before I fall deeper into my current obsession. It shames me to say it, but I, a staunch supporter of equality and diversity and all that shit, am actually fetishizing a whole race of people. I feel like Huey Freeman felt in The Boondocks when he forgot Kwanzaa. What kind of revolutionary am I that I’m stereotyping an entire nation of people? To make matters worse, they’re not even Asian or any other people of color. No, as Kiki said to me just tonight, I’m fetishizing white boys. Not just boys, but mostly boys. Not just white boys, but colonizing, oppressing boys from across the bay. I, Minna Hong, am fetishizing Brit boys, and I feel horrible about it. Obviously, however, not too horrible as I continue to do it. Oh, and to be more specific, I’m obsessing about boys from Ireland and Scotland, too, so it’s pretty much the whole UK. Throw in Aussies, and well, I’m just mortified.
It never ends. That’s something Alan Rickman says in Dogma, and it’s true with my never-ending thirst for all things British. Correction: All things UK. I’m surprised I didn’t become hornier watching Liam Neeson in Kinsey as he’s an Irish lad as well, but he doesn’t do much for me. Neither does U2, except for the song Numb by the Edge. That gets me hot, but I’m not sure why. I find most of their other work pretentious and boring, and I can’t stand Bono. That is neither here nor there, however, and I dismiss U2 from my mind.