Tag: family | The World According to MEH

Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round

Posted on June 27, 2010 by admin • 4 Comments

Things have been interesting in the Hong household lately. It started with that one little no to my mother–actually, it started with her letter to me before she came back, and it really started with my letter to her in return. Then, it continued with me insisting that we define our working relationship. If she wants me to do something by a certain time, she has to tell me and not make me guess.

Then, I said no to driving over to my brother’s, and that really loosened the flood-gates. A few days ago, he came over with the boys (my niece wanted to stay home with her mom, her mom’s friend, and her mom’s friend’s daughter, who is one of her (my niece’s) best friends), so that’s what they did.

The biggest difference, though, is that my mom and I are having honest conversations. I am losing my ability to dissimulate, and though I do mourn the loss, it is, overall, a good thing.

So. Last night she was telling me about two dreams she had. One had to do with me telling her I was getting married (go ahead and laugh. I did–inside) to someone who was introverted, scholarly, had a stable job, and was more conservative than am I (traditional, I think she meant, not politically conservative). She was relieved that I was marrying this guy, someone she thought of as a good man, because then I would have someone to take care of me. Now, my mom is a Jungian, which means she thinks that most of the people in one’s dream represents oneself. Or in the case of this dream, she thinks the marriage is actually an integration between my masculine and feminine side in search of a more perfect union.

The other dream was involved and complicated, but it had to do with her feeling there was a distance between us (true) and that my father was supporting me (false).

Then, she told me about another dream she had in which she lost the diamond to her twenty-year anniversary ring (from my father, naturally), and while she was looking for it, she found another diamond ring. The diamond was bigger and prettier, so she thought about keeping it. She didn’t, but she never found her diamond, either. She asked me what I thought of the dream, and I immediately said, “Divorce Dad and marry someone else.” We both laughed heartily, but she admitted that was her first interpretation as well.

The Last Snowfall*

Posted on April 28, 2010 by admin • 7 Comments

Sunday morning, we’re up at the break of dawn. An ungodly hour. Actually, Rose got up first because she actually had to be presentable for her job. The rest of us could just roll out of bed, throw on a t-shirt and shorts and go. We were out of the room and on the road by eight. I have to say, the hotel had enforced valet parking, which struck me as odd. Kel said it’s pretty common around there, but I’d never seen it before. Anyway, we went through the McDonald’s drivethru for breakfast. None of us go to Mickey D’s very often, but they are everywhere. We had our own Three Stooges moment with trying to figure out what everyone wanted, but we eventually got our order straight.

Can I let you in on a little secret? I love McDonald’s sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. I know! It’s so bad for me, but it tastes soooo good. I washed it down with a hazelnut iced decaf latte with skim milk, which was yummy, too. Of course, the breakfast sat in a lump in my stomach for a good two hours, but it was so worth it.

Kel and I chatted as Rose read, Irish Dancer did her puzzle book, and I’m assuming Punk Girl listened to her music. She was way in the back, so she might as well have been in Siberia as far as I was concerned.

Like a true OCD child, Irish Dancer couldn’t skip a puzzle once she started it (I sympathize), and she was asking us for help now and then. One of the puzzles had the theme of rhyming colors (yellow fellow, for example), which is when I went on my own OCD kick. The clue was something like icy metal (cold gold was the right response). I started tossing out ice words like frigid and gelid. Then, I got stuck on gelid and started rhyming to see if I could come up with a color that rhymed with it.

We Are Family

Posted on April 20, 2010 by admin • 6 Comments

Welcome back, bitchez. Grab your favorite beverage, sit back and relax while I tell you about the wild goings-on that happened over the weekend. I finally got to meet my twin, Kel, in person, and boy did we have a ball. I got to lick her bunny and watch her strip her chicken!

I was nervous as I got off the plane because I still harbored the fear that I would disappoint Kel. It’s something that is ingrained in me from years of disappointing my real family. I had learned my lesson well–I am not enough. No matter how much Kel reassured me that I just had to be myself, I still had a fluttering of doubt as I stepped off the plane. Before I went, I emailed her to see what I should and shouldn’t say in front of her kids. She told me to just be myself, which wasn’t very reassuring to me. I told her I was bringing underwear because I didn’t want to offend/disturb anyone by going commando under my boxers. She told me not to be ridiculous–they didn’t wear unders, either, under their boxers. Still, I packed the panties just in case.

I called Kel as I got off the plane, and to my dismay, she didn’t answer. She ALWAYS has her phone on. I told her to turn on her damn phone and that I would see her in a few minutes.

When I saw her, I hugged her tightly and felt as if we were just continuing a conversation that we had started a year ago. We started babbling at each other as she took a pic of us to send the kids, her sis, and her husband. I stuck out my tongue, and we were off to the races after that.

Her house is an hour away from the airport. On the way, I texted everyone who texted her and made ribald suggestions (no, really?). She and I talked about everything under the sun, including what we were going to do the next day. The kids were at home waiting for us to return, despite the fact that it was going to be after midnight by the time we finally touched down. As we approached her house, two kids burst out of the garage door and started fighting with each other. Kel laughed and said they were fighting to see who would hug me first. I had started to get out of the van, but I quickly got back in and joked that I was skeered of them.

It Was the Worst of Times

Posted on December 19, 2009 by admin • 5 Comments

Everything is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do. My old defenses are gone, and I have none to replace them. So, I have been resorting to old ones that I thought I had long abandoned, and I am not very happy that I am indulging in them again. I am not going to list them because, frankly, I am ashamed of them, but I am trying not to do them any more.

It is discouraging to me that I was slowly getting better for the first half of the year, and then, with the flashbacks, I fell so quickly back into the dark place. The problem is, without my defenses, I feel even more vulnerable and scared.

During my therapy session on Wednesday, my therapist said something that really struck home. My trip to Taiwan is not the root of my problems. It is a very obvious beacon, but it’s only symptomatic. Let’s put aside for a minute the issue of my father.

My family does not vacation well together in general. My mom is the type who has to do ten things in a day. When we went to New York, she allotted an hour and a half for the Met and grudgingly gave me another hour. Then, it was a walk through Central Park before going to Chinatown and then Broadway to see Chicago and then Greenwich Village to experience the nightlife. Now, if yo are a regular reader, you know I am a lazy bitch who likes to do as little as possible. I don’t do that much in a week, let alone one day.

The Best I Can Do–And a Request

Posted on December 15, 2009 by admin • 8 Comments

I don’t want to go to Taiwan. My faithful readers know that. I am dreading it, and I feel like a jackass for dreading it. I mean, it’s the trip of a lifetime, right? I haven’t been back in 17 years, and it’s the country of my ancestry. Much has change since I was last there, and…oh hell. My parents called Saturday night. It turns out we’re going to meet the vice president of the country. Normally, that would be very exciting to me since I am an avid politics buff. I have only recently hopped on that train here in America, but I have been following Taiwanese politics since birth, it seems.

And, my mom keeps asking me if I’m excited about the trip yet. My niece packed a month ago, and my brother is starting to get revved up as well. We will be having a mini-family reunion with my mother’s family in Taipei (she has seven sibs, each with at least two children), and we will also be gathering with my father’s family in Taichung (he has four sibs, each with two to four children). We will be going to the zoo and the National Taiwan Museum (my request) and Hua Lien (a beautiful area with a famous gorge called Taroko Gorge–a place I almost died the last time I was in Taiwan) and a park with taiji statutes (on my behest, though not at my request), but we won’t be over-scheduled, says my mom.

In the best of times, I do not travel well with my family. We bicker like many families do (in fact, my bro and I travel best together), and my parents like to do ten things in a day. When we went to NYC, they allotted an hour and a half for the Met. They gave me an extra hour, but that was it. I, on the other hand, would rather go to one place a day and thoroughly explore that place. I went round and round with my mother on this, but I don’t think it completely sunk in. At least they booked me my own room. I argued with her about this, too. They live in a condo, so they are renting hotel rooms for the three of us. My mom thought my niece could stay in my room, and I said no. I need my space. She actually listened to me on this one, but the last time she talked, she said she thought maybe we could just throw down some sleeping beds in her condo and–no. They have one bedroom. No fucking way. Not gonna do it.

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