Tag Archives: food

The Old is New Again

Edited to Add: Day Three pictures, bitchez!

So.  Today.  Bro knocked at the door this morning to ask if I wanted to go with him and my niece to grab a bun.   I’m always up for some bun-grabbin’, so I said yes.  Hey, he knocked and asked if I wanted to go.  That’s a big change for him.  Anyway, we went to Yamazaki Bakery to grab a bun or two.  They make their pastries fresh every day, and they are amazing.  My bro had a triple-cheese bread thing.  My niece had a mini tangerine Danish and…oh yeah!  Maple sugar French toast (thick-ass slice).  Me?  I had a Dutch melon bread bun.  I have no idea where the name comes from, but the bun is light and fluffy and to. die. for.   As you know, my family is very food-oriented, so that’s why I tend to describe the food I eat wherever we go.  My bro is uploading the pics to FB as I type this, so I will have pictures shortly.

So, everyone enjoyed breakfast.  We strolled back to the hotel, and I went into my room so I could get online.  I could hear my mom as she passed my door–oh, she called me at eight-thirty this morning to tell me the schedule, waking me up in the process.  My sleep has been for shit since I’ve gotten here, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary for me.

Anyhoo, my mom walked past my door to go to my bro’s room.  I heard another voice–it was my father.  I didn’t expect him to be with my mother this morning, so I tensed up immediately.  Soon, we were on our way.  There was a minor skirmish because my parents insisted my bro and I go back to get our umbrellas.  “It could rain, and we have to walk!”  They gasped in dismay.  Ok, not really, but they were pretty adamant about it.  We decided to get our umbrellas rather than waste more time arguing about it.  Needless to say, the umbrella rode along in my purse all day long.  Oh, and I will never listen to my parents tell me that it’s gonna be cold–ever.  We were going up north, and it was a bit nippy in Taipei.  They said it could get really cold.  I put on my black gortex-like longjohns under my heavier black pants.  On top, I had on a long-sleeved t–shirt under a long-sleevedshirt, and I brought a fleece jacket with me.  The fleece was the first to go.  Halfway through the day, I took off the top shirt.  If I had had on a regular t-shirt under the long-sleeved one, I would have taken off the long-sleeved t-shirt as well.

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It’s Not Just Food

Ok.  I had my therapist appointment today, and we discovered that I am fucked up when it comes to food.  No, really!  I know, amazing, but true.  I have had ED issues since I was eighteen.  Twenty years.  To recap, I went on a strict diet right before going to college because I decided that since nobody knew me, I could be anyone I wanted to be.  In addition, I didn’t really have a sense of self, so might as well be someone else.

To that end, I put my CDO to work for me, and I restricted my calories to 1,200 a day, and I exercised up to 7 hours a day.  This was the summer before college.  I had a job, but I just worked out around my job schedule.    I lost forty pounds in two months, and I was the thinnest I’d ever been.  Of course, I couldn’t keep up the schedule at college, so I reduced my eating.  I ate nothing for breakfast, and a bowl of oyster crackers for lunch and another for dinner.  I ate fruit, too, but that was it.

In addition, I only slept three hours a night, so of course I would be hungry by midnight.  Then, I would raid the vending machines for half a dozen bags of chips and shit and snarf them down.  Well, you can probably figure out what happened next.  I started throwing up.  I stayed skinny, but I started blacking out as I walked across campus.

That was the start of twenty years of eating disorders.  To be honest, I have had issues with food from the time my mom put me on my first diet–when I was seven.

So, today, in therapy, I was telling my therapist about my doctor’s appointment and my previous blog post.  I was really frustrated because it’s not as if I didn’t know better.  I said, “I could have been sitting in this chair twenty years ago saying the same goddamn thing.”  Except, I wouldn’t have been because I wouldn’t have thought it was a problem back then.  I was thin!  That was all that mattered!  And, I wouldn’t have thought about the underlying reasons I was so fucked up about food.

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I Would Bathe in a Vat of Chocolate

chocolate_fountainIn my imaginary world, I would bathe in a vat of dark, luscious chocolate on a daily basis.  I would luxuriate in the satiny feel of it cascasding down my body.  I would have a small cup next to the vat so I could periodically sip at the warm, creamy concoction.

In addition, I would like to live in a house of gingerbread in which all the furniture is made of some kind of candy/chocolate.  Instead of making the bed, I would take a bite of the graham cracker sheets, along with the marshmallow pillow, and the chocolate comforter.  Then, I would brush my teeth with chocolate syrup and floss my teeth with cotton candy.

Next, I would eat a real breakfast of bagels, cream cheese, and lox.  In my fantasy world, I am not allergic to any kind of food.  I would drink my cup of Mud Pie coffee (Deans Beans, yo!), and have a piece of chocolate.

Hey, it’s my fantasy world, so I get to eat whatever I want.

Why the hell am I writing about my food-porn fantasies?  Because I have noticed a resurgence in the “eating is not for pleasure–it’s a necessity” school of thought, and I am rebelling against it.  I know food is a necessity.  I know that we can’t shun it the way we can cigarettes (another vice that has been thoroughly villainized, but that’s for another entry), but why should we even want to be able to shun food?

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What Goes In, MUST Go Out.

As I wrote yesterday, I love food.  Food, however, does not reciprocate this warm, squishy feeling.  First, the song of the day is from a local New Wave  group of the ’80s, the Suburbs.  It is called Love is the Law, and if you’re not groovin’, you’re losing! 

What do I love today?  I love living alone (with my cats, of course).  Being a control freak, I love having complete control of the remote control, pressing buttons to my content.  I love eating while typing; I love the sound of complete silence; I love being able to do whatever I want pretty much whenever I want.  If I want to eat pizza for breakfast, I will.  If I want to not do laundry for three weeks, I don’t have to do laundry for three weeks.  If I want to sing at the top of my lungs at three in the morning–I do.  If I want to keep the heater set at 63°, I don’t have to argue with anyone about it. 

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Food, Glorious Food

I love food.  I’m not mincing words.  We have a hardcore love affair going on, only limited by my allergies and my stomach capacity.  First, the video for the day:  Wet Wet Wet’s Love is All Around.  Substitute food for love, and well, you see where I’m going with this.

Back to food.  My friend, Rizzo, told me that there was a study showing that people who hit their heads as kids tend to be hedonists when it comes to food.  She has hit her head, so have I.  Here is her blog filled with glorious pictures of the food she makes (plus a story about that study):  Life’s A Feast.

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