Guys fascinate me; they really do. Why? Because for many of them, a woman is doable, no matter how skanky, stupid, vapid, cruel, or crazy she is. Hell, for some of them, that’s just a bonus. In the political world, even progressive guys will say something like, “Michele Bachmann’s crazy, but I’d do her.” The same goes for Sarah Palin. On BJ, I have tried to get guys to explain this phenomenon to me, but no one has given me a satisfactory answer. Biology, fucking the crazy out, it adds to the adventure–yeah, ok. Whatever.
I have come to the conclusion that I shall never know. The reason I am musing about this is because I am pretty much the exact opposite of this. If I find someone’s politics, ideas, or behaviors repulsive, I am not attracted to that person. Stupidity is a huge turn-off, as is venality, cruelty, and batshitcraziness.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about what I like in my men. I can talk about physical attributes like a nice chest (I always notice the chest first in people. Unlike guys, though, I can be discreet when checking out a woman’s breasts) and a nice ass. I notice a person’s hands, eyes, and mouth. However, all that can be perfectly fine-looking, and it don’t mean a thing if the person cannot carry on a conversation.
What really turns me on?
Intelligence. Humor. Wit. A passion for something other than me. Since I am a woman of words, I respond to aural stimulation of the most delicious. Written as well. I like verbal foreplay almost as much as I like the actual thing. Well, ok, I wouldn’t go that far, but witty repartee will go a long way with me.
So. I have tried the personals from time to time when I just want a hook-up. I would prefer to meet someone in person, but I’m a bit past the bar-hopping scene. Since I am comfortable on the internet, why not use it to my advantage? I’ll tell you why–because guys are goddamn fucking lazy. I am making a broad generalization here, but MN guys really need to hone up on their seductive skills.
The title: Quick-witted and Deft of Hand
Turns on this woman and makes the man. I’m not looking for long walks on the beach (I hate getting sand between my toes). I do love the moon, but I can gaze upon her on my own. I am also not looking to be wined and dined, though it might make for good foreplay. You don’t have to bring me flowers or chocolates–wait, yes, you do. You have to bring me chocolate syrup so I can lick it off your body.
I am looking for someone who makes me laugh in and out of bed. Humor is sexy, and so is intelligence. I am looking for someone with stamina and a sense of adventure. I have a very active imagination, and I would be delighted if could match me idea for idea. I need someone who can keep up with me in every way.
I am not looking for a relationship; this grrl just wants to have (lots of) fun. Drop me a line if you’re in the same situation.
The description of the first date:
Witty banter, meaningful glances. Sly looks that heighten the increasing tension. Our mouths may be talking about anything from the weather to politics, but the subtext is more primal than that. We both know what we want; we just want to prolong the anticipation. The conclusion may be inevitable, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves along the way.
See how much thought I put into my ad? See with what care I crafted it? Oh, I also said that I didn’t want anyone married or anyone solely seeking a long-term relationship. Anyway, you can tell how much words mean to me in the ad, right? If you read a personal ad like that and were intrigued by it, wouldn’t you try to come up with an interesting response? I would.
Instead, I got, “Hey, what’s up?”, “Me, too”, “Let’s hook up!”, and, the closest to imaginative, “I’ll bring the chocolate syrup,” which demonstrated that he at least read the ad. I got guys ranging from age 18 to 50; I got guys responding from out of state, and, in one memorable response, out of the country. It was a guy from Spain. He was awfully cute, but unless he was willing to pay for a round-trip ticket for me to fly out there, it wasn’t going to happen. I got married men and single men. I got men whose ads said they weren’t looking for intimate encounters, only longterm relationships. I got responses from men who were crazy about the Asian women. I got responses from couples wanting to do threesomes.
What I didn’t get was one single response that made me laugh, smile, think, or linger over a well-crafted phrase. I understand that, yeah, it’s a lot of work for what amounts to a booty call, but then don’t fucking answer my ad if you’re not willing to put some time into your response. By the way, just a nitpick–it’s discreet, not discrete. Had to say it. Now, back to my rant.
I have friends tell me that my standards are too high when it comes to sexing for fun. I suppose, but if I’m bored–what’s the point. I almost turned down the most beautiful man I’d ever met in my life (most beautiful person, really) after he started talking idiotically (like a kid). Fortunately, he reverted to adult elocution so I could shag him, but I was thisclose to telling him, “Right now, you’re getting laid. Keep talking like that, and you aren’t.”
The problem is that even for a hook-up, I want to be intellectually-engaged. I’ve had sex with people who were, ah, shall we say, less than scintillating (and I don’t mean simply brainy), and it was such a disappointment to me. For me, brains, humor, and wit are such big turn-ons, I don’t even want to bother if they are not part of the package.
So, what’s a literate, lusty, verbal gal like me gotta do to meet a MN man who can talk as well as he fucks? Join a book club, I guess.