Truly, Madly, Deeply, Part III: Love, Actually

Hello, my gentle readers.   Before we return to the enthralling saga of our heroine (moi) and her ape (Idle), I have a housekeeping note.  Astute readers will realize that I changed the title of this series.  Instead of attaching these new posts onto the old series, I decided they deserved a series of their own, especially as I feel this is not the last post on the subject. That out of the way, back to our romantic tale already in progress.

By the way, have you noticed that where I left off, with the hug at the airport, makes both a perfect ending and a perfect beginning?  Chew on that for awhile as I regale you with what happened during the actual visit.

Idle and I hugged for what seemed like forever, but was probably only minutes.  He felt solid, comfortable, warm, reassuring, and just so damn right in my arms; I didn’t want to let him go.   I did, reluctantly, and we were on our way.  I had to focus on the road, of course, so I didn’t get to stare at him as I wanted.  I did catch him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, and it didn’t really fluster me as it normally would.  I pointed out things of interest on the way home, but I wasn’t really thinking about my city.  I was giddy with happiness and lust that the ape had finally landed.  It didn’t seem possible that we were actually in the same city, my city, in my car, driving back to my house.

I was nervous, yes, but I was also just overjoyed to have him with me.  We stopped at Subway because he hadn’t eaten all day, and then I drove him to my house.  I am uncomfortable having people in my house for many reasons, but I was so eager to be with Idle (and touch him), I managed to quash the small panic I had as he walked into my house.

How did the cats greet him?  In their usual way.  Raven sniffed and let Idle pet him right away, and Shadow stood aloof.  But, I am very proud of my shy guy because he didn’t leave the room.  And, he did let Idle pet him the first day.  By the middle of the visit, Shadow had accepted this stranger into our household–probably because Idle awoke before I did and would go to the kitchen to make coffee.  Those with animals know that any time you go into the kitchen, the animals think it’s feeding time.  By the end of the visit, Shadow was planting himself in front of Idle and arching his back–his way of demanding to be pet.  Raven accepted Idle as another piece of furniture and would flop all over Idle, sometimes at inconvenient moments.

Back to the narrative.  After we ate, Idle and I retired to the bedroom so we could get to know each other better.

Now, as longtime readers know, I have body issues.  I don’t like my body at all, and I have only recently begun to feel like I’m not totally gross.  I am a big woman.  Even when I was at my skinniest, I had broad shoulders, big boobs, sturdy thighs, and thick calves.  To Idle, all this was a plus.  He likes women with meat on their bodies and with lots of curves.  The first video is one he often posts to my FB wall.

As we explored each other’s bodies, he made it very plain that he was hot for my bod. And, I was just as hot for his. I like my men big and solid with broad shoulders and big hands, and he had it all in spades. I loved the scent of him, the taste of him, the feel of him, the sight of him, and the sound of him. We spent many hours just finding all the sweet spots on each other’s bodies. Wouldn’t you know that he found a few new ones on my body (and inside) that I never knew I had? Erogenous zones, I mean.

Our attraction was electric and primal. He simply had to touch me for a few seconds, and I was ready to sex him up. I couldn’t keep my hands off him, even when we weren’t sexing, and he felt the same way about me. We managed to keep it under control when we were out and about town, but in my house, all bets were off. We were on each other all over the house, and I never wanted to stop touching him. One thing I loved about sexing with him is that it was by turns gentle, primal, tender, torrid, passionate, sensual, and animal.

Idle and I both have rich and varied fantasies. I have tried to rid myself of mine for decades because I thought they stemmed from dark and horrible places. I wasn’t comfortable with that part of me until Idle and I started talking about our respective fantasies. He was gentle and nonjudgmental, and I was a little less ashamed of my fantasies. I tried to do the same for him, and being able to explore those deepest, most private parts of ourselves together brought us even closer. I have my issues with Dan Savage*, but I heartily endorse his GGG (good, giving, and game, but I thought it was good, giving, and generous) as long as both partners are equally so, and Idle felt the same way.

I will touch more on the sexxxing throughout the piece, but there’s one important thing I need to say now–I loved having him in my bed. This is revolutionary because I am a shitty sleeper and have preferred to sleep alone for most of my life. When I did sleep with a partner in the distant past, I couldn’t bear to be touching as we fell asleep. Or, more accurately, until the other person fell asleep. I cannot fall asleep before my partner. Is it a safety issue? No. I snore, and I’m very self-conscious about it, so I trained myself to not fall asleep first**. With one of my exes, he would lie on his side, and I would be behind him by a foot and a half or so. I would have one hand on his shoulder, and that’s as much as I could stand touching him (or anyone in general) as I slept. One night, he turned to spoon me, and I immediately went rigid. I wanted desperately for him to turn back the other way so I could have my space.

With Idle, I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I would spoon him until he fell asleep, and then I would just look at him and touch him to my heart’s content. Since we both sleep very poorly, we would take naps whenever we wanted. Thus, I could watch him in the waning daylight or in the dark as I have better vision in the dark than many people. I would watch his chest rise and fall, and it would comfort me. Sometimes, I would place my hand on his chest as he breathed, and sometimes, I would match my breath to his. That always made me feel better and more connected to him.

I would watch as he tossed and turned, and my heart would go out to him. I wanted to soothe his troubled sleep, but all I could do was stroke his arm or chest to try to calm him down. When I found myself getting tired, I would put on my gear (eye mask, mouth guard, and ear plugs) and then snuggle up against his back again. I would curl my hand around his belly (or lower) until I fell asleep. He would wake up before I did, and the first time I woke up to an empty bed, my heart fell to the bottom of my feet. Where was he? Where had he gone? It turned out that he didn’t want to disturb me, and he had crept out of bed to start the coffee. Then, he would sit on my porch and drink his coffee as he waited for me to awaken. I have a kick-ass porch, if I do say so, myself.

Anyway, he later told me that he would wake up and hear me grind my teeth in my sleep (I bit clean through my last mouth guard). When he put a hand on me, I would quiet down. He said it would be the same way if I was tossing and turning. He would put a hand on me, and I would be soothed. Once, he bumped me and apologized. He said I put my hand on his arm and said it was OK. Just as he was about to say something, I snored. I don’t remember any of this, so apparently, there is a part of me that never sleeps–no wonder I’m so fucking tired all the time.

When I got up, he would pour me a cup of coffee, wait for me to nuke it ‘coz I like my hot drinks boiling, and then we would go out on the porch and just sit and laugh at the golfers as we leaned into each other. I have to say, this was the image I had in my mind most often before the visit. Yes, I was looking forward to the sexxxing and the physical intimacy, but I was most anticipating just being with him in the quiet moments of the day.

I took him to visit Northeast Minneapolis–the area in which I feel most comfortable and want to live. My Taiji studio is there as is the Eastside Food Cooperative, and I always feel like I can breathe better when I’m in my ‘hood. He visited my Taiji class twice (more on that later), and we had Thai food in a neighborhood restaurant, Sen Yai Sen Lek, that is eco-conscious and gets much of its ingredients from said local co-op. After we ate, we would walk around the neighborhood.

OK. I just have to say something. It’s not very feminist of me, but I LOVE the fact that Idle is big (6’2″ and sturdy) and knows how to fight. I know, I know, I am woman–hear me roar. I can take care of myself, and in fact, I am currently learning how to kill a man with my bare hands. Yes, yes, yes. It’s true that I can do for myself, but you know what? I’ve had to be on the alert all my life, always vigilant for danger. I’ve done it mostly on my own, and it’s really really nice not to have to be strong all the time. When Idle was here, I could let down my guard somewhat, knowing he had my back. When I walked down the street with him, I felt safe and protected. It’s not a feeling I have often, and it’s one I really, really liked.

More than that, I was so damn proud to walk down the street with him. He’s my man, and I wanted to shout it to the world. Yeah, I felt like I was strutting my stuff with him on my arm, but so what? I know I sound more like a teenager than a grown woman, but he just makes me feel so damn giddy and blissful, I have to crow about it a bit. OK, a lot.

The second video I embedded is Natural Woman by Mary J. Blige, and it’s a song I often post to Idle’s FB wall. I am not very feminine by society’s standards. I like sports, dislike shopping and other ‘girly’ things, don’t wear makeup or shave…anything (I’m Asian!), and I have little interest in clothes. I don’t wear any scents as I’m allergic, and I don’t do anything to my hair other than brush it. I am not maternal in the least.

Idle looked at many of those things as positives (he likes natural women), and he really does make me feel feminine, sexy, and desirable. In return, he is exactly the kind of man to whom I’m most attracted–sensitive, yet strong, artistic, creative, funny, sturdy, witty, good with words, tender and tough, sexy and hot, and passionate. Both of us are an amalgamation of characteristics, and we fit together beautifully. The third video below right below is by one of my favorite indy folk duos, Lowen and Navarro. Pat Benatar had a big hit with it back in the eighties or so. I posted it on Idle’s FB wall, and he said it fit us. It does.

You know how much I love this man? I actually went to a movie theatre with him and watched a movie that doesn’t have Alan Rickman in it! For those who don’t know me, this is a big deal. I don’t like movies much, and I really don’t like going to the theatre ‘coz I hate noises, crowds, and people. And I’m claustrophobic. So, for me to go to an actual theatre with actual people to see a movie that has neither Alan Rickman nor cellos in it, well, that’s mind-blowing. Granted, it was the latest X-Men movie and I’m a big fan (mostly of Wolverine), and granted it was the midnight showing with a maximum of ten people in the theatre, but still.

I really enjoyed it. The movie itself was a great summer action blockbuster film with really hawt whips and chains action by Michael Fassbender as the young Magneto, but what I really dug was the date aspect of the whole event.  I haven’t dated much in my life, and it was really nice to go to a movie, hold hands, and just be immerse in the experience.  I can’t remember the last time I went on a date to the movies, but I do remember that seeing Pulp Fiction with a guy and telling him what I thought of it caused him to dump me. So, yeah, me and movies–not a good combo.

Going to the movies with Idle, though, was loads of fun. I realized during his visit that there were many things that were infinitely more enjoyable when I was doing them with him. Even something as inane as surfing the ‘net for stupid videos (protip on being a good girlfriend, ladies. Make sure you shave your legs EVERY DAY so your stubble doesn’t hurt your man’s delicate skin! It’s true. I saw it on the internets!) was a blast when shared with Idle. This is something I’d forgotten–how much my daily life is enriched by having a partner, specifically Idle, in it. I like it. I like it a lot.

Hm. Getting long again. Go figure. I will end this for now and leave you with this teaser: Idle met two of my closest friends who are like family to me and survived the experience! Tune in for the next episode of A Grrl and Her Ape, coming to you sometime soon.

*Don’t ask. I would have to write a whole post about it, and I’m not in the mood.

**My brother once told me that I had a funny laugh, and I stopped laughing out loud for years. Self-conscious, me? Never!