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Helpful Housecleaning Hints

If you are one of those people who like to clean, then this is not the entry for you.  You can just grab your Swiffer and go dust something.  This entry is for those of us who LOATHE cleaning with every fiber of our being.  Personally, I would rather have my eyeballs eaten by maggots as I’m awake than clean the house.  Be that as it may, there are times when cleaning is unavoidable.  Say, for example, when one’s mother is coming for a looooooong stay.  Then, one must suck it up and clean.  Fortunately, I did a semi-thorough cleaning before I visited Kel last month, so the house wasn’t as horrendous as it could have been.  Unfortunately, due to my complex feelings for my mother at this moment, I kept putting off the actual cleaning.  It was as if I could forestall her visit by not cleaning.  Childish, I know, but I never claimed to be mature.  So, I put it off and put it off and put it off until I absolutely could not procrastinate any longer.  I have a very unique way of cleaning, and I thought I would share some tips with you in case you’re ever caught in the same situation.  You’re welcome.

First of all, this weekend has been hot here.  Eighties/nineties, and for me, that’s hot.  I usually keep the AC at eighty degrees, but I turn it down to seventy-eight when I clean.  Still, even with that adjustment, I get damn hot.  As I am a tad OCD, once I start cleaning, I put my back into it.  And, I don’t stop.  I get heated during any kind of activity, so I sweat like a pig when I clean.  To that end, I prefer to clean in the nude.  Now, however, I wear a pedometer, and I feel damn guilty if I am not counting my steps.  I tried to clip the pedometer to my nipple and to my glasses, but neither worked.  So, I kept on the boxers (South Park, yo!) and ditched the top.  Then, I pulled my hair into a high bun because I hate that sticky feeling on the back of the neck from perspiring under my long mane of hair.

Then, to get myself in the mood to clean, I put on some music.  It has to be blood-pumping music.  This is one of the best songs to get me revved up to clean.  It’s called Here Comes My Baby, this version is done by The Mavericks, and it was written and originally performed by Cat Stevens (h/t Steeplejack from BJ).  I love the whole feel of the song, plus the outrageous go-go dancers.   After I listened to this song a time or ten, I was ready to clean.  Now, because of my aforementioned affinity for cleaning in as minimal clothing as possible, I usually wait until the sun goes down before I clean.  I live on a golf course, and I don’t want to distract them from stroking their balls, if you get my drift.  Besides, it’s cooler at night.  Therefore, it’s a better time to clean. Here are my helpful hints to make housecleaning as painless as possible.

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