Destination Unknown

First, your video for the day.  It’s Destination Unknown by Missing Persons.  Why?  Because.

Second, I’m going to tell you a little story.   Once upon a time, I used a typewriter.  I know, I know, so quaint!  I thought it was a big deal when I got a typewriter that had the key you could punch to white out your mistakes instead of having to do it by hand.

Then, along came the computer.  Now, my brother took to the computer like the proverbial duck to water.  He was a geek before it was uber-trendy to be one, and he thrived once he got his hands on a….I don’t know what the hell it was.  A computer!  An expensive one!  I, on the other hand, resisted any attempts to be assimilated into the computer matrix (I never did like change), and I held out admirably until I went to college.  I didn’t want to learn some newfangled fad that would just go away in a few years.  Email, what?  What the hell is that?  What were forums and chatrooms?  I was sure I didn’t want to know.

Still, upon entering college, I admitted that I needed to learn how to use a computer.  So, I did.  I stuck to the basics such as word processing, and I shunned email.  I would handwrite my letters, thank you very much.  I would NEVER give in to email.  Never!

Of course, that never became, “I will send a zillion emails a day and forget about snail mail because it’s so much more convenient.”  Once I discovered the joys of email, I didn’t look behind, just as I never thought of the typewriter once I moved up to the computer.

Over the years, I picked up Excel, Publisher, and PhotoShop (basics) and other handy dandy creative tools.  I learned how to do very basic coding as I set up my blog.  Ok, to be fair, my brother set it up for me, but once he got the rudimentaries up and running, I re-designed it myself.  Ok, ok, with his help.  I mean, why have a techie geek in your life if you don’t use him to his full extent?

So, I was feeling that I had learned about as much as I wanted in the computer field.  I mean, to me, it’s a means to an end, and not an end in and of itself.  I could type eighty words a minute, and that was good enough for me.  I had my ergonomic keyboard and chair in order to preserve my wrists.  I could do almost everything I wanted on my computer.  What more could I want?

Then my brother had to open his mouth about another typing system called the Dvorak system.  Now, as you may or may not know, the Qwerty system was developed to be as awkward and difficult as possible.  Not really, of course, but it was invented with the idea that keys next to each other  stick if they get struck at the same time.  Therefore, the keys were placed in such a way that is counterintuitive, and quite frankly, annoying.  In the Dvorak system, all the lesser-used keys are on the bottom row, and all the vowels are on the home row on the left-hand side.  In addition, the T and the H are right next to each other as they are paired together quite frequently.  Why did my brother mention this system to me?  Because I was complaining about the Qwerty system.  He urged me to try the Dvorak system, and he was going to give it a go himself.

Here’s the catch–there are no Dvorak keyboards.  You have to download the software and then either rearrange the keys on your keyboard, or do what I did.  I grabbed my Sharpie and wrote the new letters on the old keys.   Then, I started practicing.  My brother did, too.  It was not easy to learn the new system, though I memorized the positions of the new letters (not all the punctuation, however) within a week.  It was slow-going, and when I would get frustrated, I would switch back to Qwerty.

A rather weird thing happened after the second week, though.  While I was still learning the Dvorak system, I completely forgot the Qwerty system.   This meant that I was stuck in between the two systems, and I had to make a choice.  I could either return to Qwerty (and trust that I would still remember it), or I could keep going with the Dvorak and hope that I would eventually master it.  I couldn’t believe how quickly I had forgotten the Qwerty system, but like I said, it was never intuitive for me.

I made the choice to stick with the Dvorak system because it felt right.  Even though in the beginning, it cut my typing time in half, I still liked it better than the Qwerty system.  So, I resigned myself to hunt and pecking for a bit.  To my surprise, I mastered the Dvorak system within two months, and I am so glad I switched.  My brother, on the other hand, went back to Qwerty since he still does techie work.

Now, when I have to use the Qwerty system, I stare at the keyboard as if I’ve never seen it before.  I have to watch as I type because the memory of Qwerty typing is completely gone from my mind.  It’s the weirdest thing.  I struggle with it as if I never learned it in the first place.   After I mastered the system, my brother told me that only true geeks use Dvorak, but I don’t care.  I wouldn’t change back for a million dollars.  Ok, I might for a million, but not for a penny less.

Now, I can hear you asking me, “Minna, why the fuck did I just read almost a thousand words on your typing habits?  I mean, it’s interesting in a not-interesting sort of way, but WTF does it have to do with, well, anything?”

Here’s the answer.  My life until now has been the Qwerty system.  I am currently learning the Dvorak system of life, which is disconcerting to say the least.  I find myself wanting to do the old behaviors I use to do, and I have no clue how to do them.  Not only are they a strange fit now, they feel as if they were never meant to be a part of my repertoire.  The life I’ve lived until now has mostly been artificial.  I’ve cultivated and created this persona which has little to do with the real me.

Now, of course, the analogy is far from perfect because I am not a machine.  I will probably backslide into old behaviors from time to time, and I certainly don’t expect a smooth transformation from Minna 2.0 to Minna 3.0.  However, I am at the point where I have a choice.  I can return to the old me with the old habits, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors and continue to live an artificial life.  Or, I can embrace the new me, even though I have little idea what will be the new me.  I can no longer hang out in the in-between, one foot in the past, and one foot in the future.  I have to have both feet in the present, while believing that I will make it to the future.

I know the last part sounds vague, but that’s what I got right now.  I will expand on the analogy later.  Maybe.