It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it? Two and a half years since I waved a tearful goodbye to y’all, clutching a sodden hankie to my chest. So much has happened in that time, and yet, so much hasn’t changed. It’s a weird dichotomy, but it’s one I’m willing to embrace.
When I shut down my blog, I thought it’d be for good. Well, never say never or forever and all that ::JAZZ HANDS:: because here I am, revving up my blog again. I’m not sure exactly what I want to say because I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with my personal blog. But, if you bear with me, we can figure this out together.
I don’t blog politically any more. I burned out after the 2012 elections, and I haven’t yet recovered. I still keep up with politics, but I’m not nearly as involved in them as I once was. I started feeling like I was spitting in the wind, and, honestly, I didn’t have the fire I once had for it.
I gave up on writing for a while – or rather, it gave up on me. I couldn’t write blog posts because I was censoring myself as I went, afraid to let the real me speak. What posts I managed to write were antiseptic and devoid of life – something that my writing has never been. In turn, that inhibition stifled my ability to write fiction as well so that I couldn’t write anything at all. I was too aware how some of my opinions weren’t popular or could be perceived as problematic, and I allowed it to silence me. It was only when the Suey Park/#CancelColbert mess happened on Twitter* that I felt I had to speak up. I was appalled that she was becoming the face of Asian American activism, and I needed people to know that not all Asian Americans agreed with her.
That’s when I realized that I was sitting on stuff that needed to be expressed or I would have a coronary holding it in. I’m still nervous because what I have to say may piss off people on my side, but I can no longer keep silent. There’s some shit that I need to say, and I don’t want to be restrained in how I say it, so I figured that dusting the cobwebs from this place and hanging out my shingle out again would be the way to go.