Ok, fellahs. I gotta warn you that I’m going to be talking about female things today, so if you’re squeamish about menstrual cycles and such, this is your chance to bail on today’s entry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Ok, now that the guys have left, women, we need to talk. First up, yes, menstrual cycles. I have always had an irregular period. I used to get my period three to four times a year for three days at a time. It would have been awesome if I knew when it was coming. Instead, it varied from sixty days to ninety days, and anywhere in between, so I never really knew when it was coming.
Then, I started having sex and my period became more regular. It seems like there’s a link between sex and procreation. Who knew? So, anyway, my period came every thirty-five or forty days, and I considered it regular. Then, when I didn’t have sex (I’m like a camel. I store my sex), my period would slowly start coming later and later. Still, it was within forty to forty-five days or so. It was manageable. Now, it’s running wild once again. It’s been two and a half months and no period. It’s maddening because I don’t know when it’s coming. The one thing that has been the same throughout it all is that I only have it for three days at a time (with light spotting on the fourth), which is nice.
Now. Here’s my question. Is there anything I can do to make my period more regular? I’m not concerned about my health because my doctor told me that all I need is two periods a year, and I have that covered. However, I would like to make my period a bit more regular so I don’t always have to be carrying, if you catch my drift. Any suggestions? And don’t say, “Have sex.” Believe me, I’ve thought of that.
Second up: body image. As with many American women, I have a horrible body image. It doesn’t help that my cousin posted a picture from her wedding to her FB page. Her wedding was ten years ago, and I was at my skinniest. The thing is, my cousin looks just as fabulous as she did back then, whereas I have gained quite a bit of weight, some white hairs (which don’t bother me. I’m waiting for all my hair to turn white), gotten wrinkles and lines (which also doesn’t bother me. They are the road map to my life), etc.
Even at my thinnest, I hated my body. Now that I am arguably at my heaviest, well, let’s just say that we are not on speaking terms. However, I am not asking for dieting tips or anything like that because I have my Ph.D. in dieting and exercise. I know what to do to lose weight and to keep it off, so I don’t need help in that area. What I do need is tips on how to find ways to be kind to my body while I’m in the middle of hating it. Oh, I know it sounds contradictory (because it is), but I need to find a way to be gentle with body while simultaneously loathing it because even if I do change its composition, it won’t happen overnight. I am fucking tired of hating my body, so I need to start taking little steps.
For example. I like my hair. And my tats. I like being strong. That’s about it. So, for other women who struggle with body image issues, what makes you feel good about your bodies? I have said before that I would like everyone to walk around nekkid because it would normalize actual human bodies, and it bears repeating. I rather watch British flicks because the people look like real people. I could go up to Dame Mirren in a pub and just chat with her, or Alan Rickman. Ok, probably not Alan as I would hyperventilate and then faint, but you catch my drift. I can’t imagine chatting with, say, Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, nor would I want to do so.
The funny thing is, I much prefer curves and roundness in other women. Stick women do nothing to me physically. However, when it comes to me, it’s a different story. I want to be a stick. I want to look like Kate Moss, even though I think she’s way too skinny. I know it’s fucked up, and I know it’s stupid, but there you go. I wanna be sick-skinny.
At the same time, I want to let go of my hostility towards my body. It’s been there for me over all these years, no matter how much I’ve fucked it up. It’s sturdy and gets me from place to place. It gets me laid from time to time. It gets me free drinks and good service (glad the rack is good for something other than being the canvas for my tattoo).
So, please tell me how you love your bodies as they are. I really need help in that area.
Finally, I want to hear all the good ‘how I met my SO stories’ that you have. If there are guys reading this who are partnered up, you can chime in, too. I have a hard time believing that I can find someone with whom I can have a long-term relationship, so I need a shot in the arm, so to speak. When I try to envision myself side by side with someone over the years, I can’t picture it. Believe you me, I have a very vivid imagination, so it’s something of a shock when I can’t conjure up a scenario.
It’s not like I don’t have a good example My best friend has been with her hubby since she was fifteen (off-and-on, but more on than off), and she’s now thirty-nine. However, when I look at the two of them, I don’t see that happening for me. It’s not that I’m fatalistic about it; I just don’t really have an idea what that would entail.
So. I want stories of how you’ve met your partner and what made you love him/her. I wanna know how you nurture your relationship, and how you make the love grow. Ready, set, go.