When I woke up today, I had NO idea that today would be the day that we, Minnesotans, would get our second senator. Hey, it’s only eight fucking months past the election. What’s the rush, right? Speaking of Rush, I sincerely hope that he is frothing at the mouth, curled up in a fetal ball, and nursing his vodka laced with Oxycontin, muttering to himself. He’s already compared the ruling to the Iran situation, which makes me on par with President Ahmadinejad and the Supreme Leader of Iran. If I see someone in the streets of Minneapolis protesting the decision, I am going to point and laugh hysterically.
Look, I get that it’s hard to lose a close election. It hurts. It sucks. You think your guy was jobbed. However, those of us who voted for Gore in 2000 (yes, it still stings) were told to get over it and let the nation heal. We were told to shut up about the election and pretend it never happened. For the good of our country.
So, my fellow Minnesotans, the one who voted for Coleman, are you going to follow your own party’s advice and move on? Even Coleman himself said that it was time to let the state heal. Somehow, I doubt Minnesotan Republicans will listen.
You know what? I don’t fucking care. Oh, I know, I’m supposed to be a bleeding-heart liberal who feels empathy for everyone. In fact, some people (John Cole from BJ) think that if one does not feel empathy for everyone, then one is not really a liberal. I am the bleedingest of bleeding hearts, but there are some people who don’t engender any empathy or sympathy from me. Supporters of Coleman would fall under that category. Now, I am one who rarely feels schadenfreude over anything, but I am loving this.
Remember when I wrote this post? It seems like forever ago–oh, wait. It was. I was giddy at the idea of writing Senator Al Franken. Little did I know how fucking long it would take to get to write it for reelz.
Senator Al Franken. I’m savoring the taste of that phrase.
Congratulations, Senator Al Franken. It’s been a long and winding road, but finally–finally!–we have reached the end. Pawlenty said he would sign the certificate, and Amy Klobuchar can finally get a good night’s rest.
Now. I need to talk about Normie. I truly thought he would keep fighting because after all, what did he have to lose? He has an FBI investigation looming. He lost his campaign for governor to a pro-wrestler. Why the hell not take it to the SCOTUS? Well, I was listening to MPR, and they offered a reason why Coleman would not want to pursue this case any further. First of all, it was a 5-0 ruling. That’s pretty definitive. It’s pretty hard to say you were jobbed when the ruling was unanimous (truly unanimous. Not a 5-4 morphing into 9-0 kind of unanimous).
However, another hypothesis was thrown out there, and distressingly enough, it actually made sense. Coleman was giving up this case so he can disappear from the scene for a few months before reemerging and announcing his run for governor. Sounds farfetch? Remember, he lost by less than a thousand votes to retain his seat. There are many Minnesotan Republicans who are firmly convinced that Franken stole the seat. Like I’ve said, Minnesotans are weird when it comes to electing our governor. We haven’t elected a Democratic governor since Rudy Perpich left office in 1991. That’s 18 long fucking years. We vote liberally on a national level, but we vote conservatively locally.
In other words, if Coleman is not indicted and thrown into jail, he has a real chance of becoming governor of Minnesota. Damn. That fucking harshed my high.
Back to Senator Al Franken.
I know that many Republicans were pissed off beyond belief that this comedian dared to run for office. He’s spent much of his career relentlessly mocking the idiots in power–mostly on the right. How dare he think he can be a senator? We all know the Senate is a pretty cliquey kind of place, so it was amusing to watch the Republicans get their panties in a wad over Franken winning a seat.
As I wrote before, I don’t think Franken is the most liberal senator evah. He’s good on health care issues and on Sonya Sotomayor. He’s more centrist on immigration issues. He initially supported the war, and then regretted it when he found out that it was started on a pack of lies. Hm. The more I read, the more it seems that he is pretty lefty, except on immigration issues. He supports full civil rights (including marriage) for queers.
At any rate, he’s an unproven factor. No one really knows what he’ll do or say, but I can guarantee that he’s smarter than Michelle Bachmann and a better thinker. It’s refreshing to have someone so offbeat as my senator. I’m sure there will be days when I dash off furious emails to him because I’m pissed off at something or the other that he’s done or said.
However. For now, I am just breathing a sigh of relief and thanking the stars above that Minnesota finally has two senators.
Congratulations, Senator Al Franken. Now, get to work!