House of Pain

Maîtresse_Françoise2All right.  I have been reading my usual political blogs and watching my usual political shows.  I’ve been trying to pare down, but I still want to keep up on what’s going on in the world.  So, despite my loathing for the state of the traditional media, I allow myself to see clips and peeks into the dusty, musty pages of the old-school media.  It is with increasing disgust that I watch the Democrats slowly crumbling under the weight of their own ineptitude.

I have a hard time remembering that the Democrats are in control of the Executive Branch (the President) and both the Senate and the House in the Legislative Branch; they sure as fucking hell don’t act like it.  We have a fucking supermajority in the Senate, which means we can steamroll over the Republicans if we got our fucking act together.  Healthcare reform?  We could have it now.  Rolling back DADT?  Done.  More better bigger stimulus?  Piece of cake.

Ok, it wouldn’t be that easy, but it wouldn’t be the horrific agony that it is now.  I have said before that I love the fact that the Democratic Party has a big tent.  Truly, we are a diverse party.  However, I am concerned (yes, concern-trolling my own blog.  Deal with it) that the party as a whole has moved inexorably to the right.  Bill Maher said a while ago (and I’m paraphrasing), “We have two parties in this country:  the batshitcrazymotherfuckers on the right and the centrists.”

He’s right.  The progressives are shunted to the side and treated as nuisances.  Although, the progressives are starting to make noise about killing a healthcare reform bill that doesn’t include a public option.  It’s about fucking time.  I am so fucking tired of the Democrats cringing and whimpering in fear, away from the big, bad Republicans (and, to be fair, the Blue Dawgs).

So.  I have decided that the whinging Democrats need a little tough love.  To that end, I have decided to channel my inner dominatrix to get my message across.  Her name is Mistress Cerulean Bitch.  Excuse me a minute while I fashion my hair in a high ponytail and let it drape down my back.  Next, false eyelashes and a thick layer of black eyeliner.  This is followed up with Diva lipstick (bright red, by MAC, of course) and just a brush of rouge on each cheek.  I squeeze myself into a black bustier that allows my cups to generously run over.  Then, I slide on a micro-mini black leather skirt with a slit up each thigh.

Just to shake things up a bit, I don silver fishnets to add a bit of sparkle.  As an afterthought, I affix large, silver hoops to my ears.  They match the fishnets, and I am pleased.  I slide on thigh-high black leather high-heel boots.  They pinch my toes, but they are complete the outfit, so I put up with the minor pain.  I pick up my bullwhip and crack it experimentally in the air.  It makes a whistling sound that is music to my ears.

I look at myself in the mirror and nod in approval.  I am now ready to take on the GOP and the Blue Dawgs.

David Vitter!  Step right up.  I have your diaper waiting for you.  You may think all you want is to talk to a girl, but I bet I can find the inner masochist in you.  Have you ever tasted the end of a whip?  If you like the diapers, you’ll LOVE the whip.  Then, once I get you hooked, I will force you to vote for healthcare reform that includes a public option, and you’ll like it!

Yes, I could diligently ply my trade to the family-values Republicans who seem to get caught dropping trou with increasing frequency.  However, that is time-consuming, and, quite frankly, boring.  I have considered doing the dominatrix thing in real life because I’d be good at it, and I could make decent money.  However, I don’t have the best view of men in general, and I seriously doubt that being a dominatrix would help in that matter.

Back to my political fantasy.  The Blue Dawgs are useless–no, they are worse than useless.  I have no idea why some of them call themselves Democrats because they would be more comfortable across the aisle.  While the Republicans piss me off, I have a grudging respect for them because they are, after all, the opposition party.  It’s their job to oppose the policies that the president puts forth.  Granted, they would look a lot better if they actually came up with some solutions to the problems that plague America, but whatever.

No, it’s the fucking Blue Dawgs who make me want to spit tacks.  I see no reason for them to be Democrats, none at all.  Their sole goal is to obstruct the Democrats so that they (the Blue Dawgs) can inflate their own importance.  Any time I listen to Evan Bayh talk, I want to punch the wall.  He is owned by Big Pharma, and he is in love with himself.  He doesn’t give a shit about the Democratic Party at all, nor, honestly, about his constituents.  He is in it for himself.  There is no Democratic bill that he can’t water down in order to appease his GOP colleagues (and to line his own pockets).  I despise the fucking Blue Dawgs because they are whores who have no principles other than me-first, foremost, and only.

So.  They are useless, and it’s too cumbersome to break down the GOP, one member at a time.  What’s the solution?  I want to tackle the true liberals and tell them it’s time to dominate like you mean it.  We fucking won the 2008 elections by a landside.  It is fucking time to own it.  No more fucking cringing and placating and talking of fucking bipartisanship.  Bipartisanship only works if both sides are willing to compromise.  That is not happening on the right.  Oh, and can someone please get President Gramps McCain off the teevee machine?  He fucking lost, people.  He is of no use to the political discourse.

Goddamn it, Dems.  You need to channel your inner dominatrix and put a stop to the shenanigans of the Republicans and of the Blue Dawgs.  Fortunately, there are a few Dems who are doing just that.  One is Rep. Anthony Weiner (D) from New York who introduced an amendment to the House to get rid of Medicare.  Of course, he didn’t want to get rid of Medicare–he just wanted to force the Republicans to vote for getting rid of it or for keeping it in order to trip them up over their avowed hatred of government-run healthcare.  Not one of the Republicans voted for getting rid of Medicare, which was Rep. Weiner’s intent in the first place.  In the aforementioned link, Rep. Weiner goes on to explain that he wants to introduce a single payer option into healthcare reform.  That’s the kind of progressive thought that I can believe in.

Another rather neat trick was when Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D) from Hawaii wrote a House resolution recognizing Hawaii’s fiftieth anniversary, and he slipped in a line, “Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961 …”.  This, again, was to force the Republicans (especially the ones who back the birfer bill) to have to vote on whether or not Obama is a natural-born citizen of the United States.  The resolution passed 378-0.

I applaud these efforts, and I call for the progressive Democrats to play hardball as often and as strongly as they can.  It is clear that the Republicans do not want to negotiate in good faith, so it’s time to smash them into oblivion, metaphorically-speaking, of course.  If they ever want to act like rational adults again, then I would welcome their input.  Until then, they need to STFU, and the Dems need to make them do it.

As for me, I’m taking off my heels and sending Mistress Cerulean Bitch back from whence she came.  My feet hurt.

P.S.  Here is House of Pain’s Jump Around just because I like it.

3 Responses to House of Pain

  1. The progressives are shunted to the side and treated as nuisances.

    Of course. How much corporate money do they bring in?

    I look at myself in the mirror and nod in approval. I am now ready to take on the GOP and the Blue Dawgs.

    They don’t deserve you.

    Any time I listen to Evan Bayh talk, I want to punch the wall.

    Me too, and he’s one of my senators. I have much more respect for Lugar than I do Bayh. I won’t vote for Lugar because I’m not voting for any Republican until they shed their crazy wing, but I won’t vote for Bayh because he’s a jackass. And he’s now from a blue state that he could help stay blue if he’d stop thinking people really want Republican Lite. Since at least the 2002 elections, the results show people don’t.

    I applaud these efforts, and I call for the progressive Democrats to play hardball as often and as strongly as they can. It is clear that the Republicans do not want to negotiate in good faith, so it’s time to smash them into oblivion, metaphorically-speaking, of course.

    Word. I’ve often wondered what will happen if the Republican Party dooms itself into irrelevance as a rump Southern party of angry white males. With so many Democrats as (cough) centrists, and a rising movement of passionate progressivism so far underestimated by the Villagers, I see the lefty Democrats splitting off, perhaps to the Greens.

    Call me an optimist — you’re an optimist, Greg! — but a political spectrum of centrist Democrats and progressive Greens, with remnants of the Republicans holding on in the South, would mean a political elite that more accurately reflects the values the American people hold, not the distorted brands of “conservative” and “liberal” they’re so often asked to choose from.

  2. Hey Gregory, you can’t ask to be called an optimist, then call yourself one, that would just make me a parrot not a sheep.

    **throws penalty flag**

  3. whabs, I agree! Fifteen yards for flagrant self-labeling, Gregory!

    Gregory, you are right about progressives, of course. As a general rule, they are less easy to buy, so they are of no use to corporations.

    I will call you an optimist because you are one (and thanks for the compliment, by the way), and I happen to agree that if the progressive Dems peeled off and became a better Green Party, it might not be the worst thing in the world–as long as the crazyrightwingnutters remain in tatters.

    Thanks for the shot of optimism, Gregory. I sorely needed it.