1. You must start when she’s young. That way, she has no comparison, and she doesn’t know any better. “Open your mouth,” he said, gripping her by the shoulders. A girl of seven, she knelt between his legs. She was wearing a white flannel nightgown that stood out starkly in the darkness of the night.… Continue Reading
Category Archives: Family and/or Relationships
Melancholy Expressed
I have been wrapped in melancholy today. It’s not the weather because I enjoy cool, rainy, drizzly days. In fact, they warm my soul, as contradictory as that sounds. It’s partly political. I have been avoiding the story about the woman who worked for Halliburton/KBR and was gang-raped by her coworkers while they were… Continue Reading
The Sound of Sadness
I had my therapy appointment this morning. I was telling her about my sense of shame and disgust over my relationship in Thailand. She asked me why I felt shame, and I launched into a laundry list of reasons. I realized that what happened to me in my childhood and in Thailand shaped my future… Continue Reading
Don’t. Want. To.
I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to. I just had to get that out of the way. I don’t want to face my past. I don’t want to remember anything else from my forgotten years. I don’t want to discover to what extent I was molested. I just don’t. I… Continue Reading
Healing the Break
I’m not done with yesterday’s entry, surprise, surprise. I do find it funny that I was going to be brief and ended up writing my longest post ever. Still, when I posted it, I felt as if I still had more to say. I knew in general what my readers would say in response because… Continue Reading
Fight or Flight–or Neither
It’s commonly thought that when someone is in a dangerous or threatening situation, the person has two choices–fight or flight. I learned at an early age that there is another choice–disappear. I learned how to freeze my inner soul and then shrink it so it could fit in the corner of my mind. I learned… Continue Reading
I Will Survive?
I have a good memory. My friends will tell you that I can recite conversations almost verbatim, even weeks after we’ve had them. I’ve lost a little of my capacity to store random trivia or lyrics from the eighties as I get older, but that just leaves more room in my brain for more important… Continue Reading
In the Darkness of My Mind*
Deep meditation. Breath in and out. Focus on my breath. Feel rooted, balanced, and centered. Let go of anxiety, tension, and sadness. Focus on my breathing–nothing but my breathing. Flash–She’s two and as cute as a button. She has the traditional Asian bowl cut, and she is standing on top of the coffee table. As she… Continue Reading
The Fastest Way (in)to My (Hypothetical) Panties
Guys fascinate me; they really do. Why? Because for many of them, a woman is doable, no matter how skanky, stupid, vapid, cruel, or crazy she is. Hell, for some of them, that’s just a bonus. In the political world, even progressive guys will say something like, “Michele Bachmann’s crazy, but I’d do her.” The… Continue Reading
Who Let the Girls Out?
Freeeeeee! Wahoo! I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs–and I can! I can do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want, and there ain’t no one to say boo about it! Except for my cats, and they don’t say boo–they just hiss when they disapprove. Why am I blathering… Continue Reading