I almost made a colossal fuckup of a mistake today. Had I done it, I would have cheerfully slit my throat. Here’s the deal. As you know, I have been working on a massive book project for my mother. The publisher is in England, and they requested two hard copies and two disk copies… Continue Reading
Category Archives: Family and/or Relationships
The Final Countdown
Less than a week. Four more days. Then, I am leaving on a jet plane, and I don’t know when I’ll be back again. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I want to die. I want to slit my wrists so I don’t have to go. I want to crash my car into an embankment… Continue Reading
A Blessing and a Curse
Ever since I was little, I was taught to hide my emotions–especially the negative ones. Or rather, the ones perceived as negative. Anger. Sadness. Pain. Hurt. Disappointment. Not allowed in my family. Except, as I have said, by my father. I was told I didn’t feel anger. I was yelled at if I ever did… Continue Reading
It Was the Worst of Times
Everything is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do. My old defenses are gone, and I have none to replace them. So, I have been resorting to old ones that I thought I had long abandoned, and I am not very happy that I am indulging in them again. I am not going… Continue Reading
The Best I Can Do–And a Request
I don’t want to go to Taiwan. My faithful readers know that. I am dreading it, and I feel like a jackass for dreading it. I mean, it’s the trip of a lifetime, right? I haven’t been back in 17 years, and it’s the country of my ancestry. Much has change since I was last… Continue Reading
The Making of a Childhood Snuff Film
Ed. Note: I have been thinking about this post since yesterday. I wrote it earlier this afternoon, but I didn’t publish it. Why? Because it’s pretty damn grim (and I say that full-well realizing that I have posted several grim entries), and I wasn’t sure I wanted could stomach having other people read it. However,… Continue Reading
Broken
I waited to have sex until I was twenty. Before that point, I bought into the whole not-until-I’m-married thing. Then, as I proceeded to do everything but intercourse, I realized the ridiculousness of my belief (calling myself a TV, technical virgin in the process) and acted accordingly. I was in love with D. Both of… Continue Reading
Family Matters
Ed. Note: I started this last night and couldn’t finish it. I realize that the more I unravel my past, the more uncomfortable I feel about discussing the ramifications. The legacy of my childhood: toxic secrecy. What happens in the house, stays in the house. I haven’t been to Taiwan in sixteen years. My brother,… Continue Reading
For a Limited Time Only
Ed. Note: This is a continuation of the entry, How to Make the Perfect Sex Doll. It is not necessary to read that entry first, but it will help. Guys, are you sick and tired of bitches who talk back? Bitches who nag at you until you want to smack them across the face? You… Continue Reading
Flailing and Failing
I am failing. All the brave words I have written to this point ring hollow in my ears. It’s all just a bunch of shit that I believe for a brief minute before tossing it to the wayside again. I am falling. Into the abyss, the same one where I used to dwell. Every time… Continue Reading