I can’t do it. I can’t go. I am listening to Apocalyptica (from the entry below), and I am freaking the fuck out. Not only am I thinking about all the things I need to do before I go (clean, laundry, pack, freak the fuck out more); I am thinking about the actual trip. I… Continue Reading
New Favorite Version
Courtesy of Alex in the comments for the previous post. A punk version of my favorite Christmas song. LOVE it. Thanks, Alex. One more. Apocalyptica. It’s gorgeous. Continue Reading
Merry Xmas, Bitchez!
All right. You all know that I am not a religious person in the least or at all holiday-inclined. My crazy twin, Kel, has been singing carols on my VM, usually with her own lyrics. She is cracking me the fuck up, and that’s not easy to do with Christmas shit. I don’t know when… Continue Reading
In the Dead of the Night
I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I really don’t want to fucking go. I did something this year that I’ve not done in the past. I may not do it in the future, but I had to do it this year. I bailed on Christmas. Normally,… Continue Reading
Assuming Almost Made an Ass out of Me
I almost made a colossal fuckup of a mistake today. Had I done it, I would have cheerfully slit my throat. Here’s the deal. As you know, I have been working on a massive book project for my mother. The publisher is in England, and they requested two hard copies and two disk copies… Continue Reading
The Final Countdown
Less than a week. Four more days. Then, I am leaving on a jet plane, and I don’t know when I’ll be back again. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I want to die. I want to slit my wrists so I don’t have to go. I want to crash my car into an embankment… Continue Reading
A Blessing and a Curse
Ever since I was little, I was taught to hide my emotions–especially the negative ones. Or rather, the ones perceived as negative. Anger. Sadness. Pain. Hurt. Disappointment. Not allowed in my family. Except, as I have said, by my father. I was told I didn’t feel anger. I was yelled at if I ever did… Continue Reading
It Was the Worst of Times
Everything is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do. My old defenses are gone, and I have none to replace them. So, I have been resorting to old ones that I thought I had long abandoned, and I am not very happy that I am indulging in them again. I am not going… Continue Reading
The Best I Can Do–And a Request
I don’t want to go to Taiwan. My faithful readers know that. I am dreading it, and I feel like a jackass for dreading it. I mean, it’s the trip of a lifetime, right? I haven’t been back in 17 years, and it’s the country of my ancestry. Much has change since I was last… Continue Reading
Monsters in My Head
There are monsters in my head. I call them my demons, but they are more like monsters. Longtime readers are well-acquainted with my demons because I talk about them quite often. They have taken several guises over the years, but their constant goal is the obliteration of me. I had one I called the Dictator… Continue Reading