I wrote briefly yesterday about AIG handing out $165 million in bonuses to the very employees who drove the company (and our economy) into the ground. Today, there is rage and fury and a whole lot of indignation going around. “How can they do that?” “What are they thinking?” “Don’t they have any decency?” In order, “Easily”; “They deserve it”; “No”. Any other question?
In the meantime, the administration is shocked and aghast, but, hey, their hands are tied–so says Larry Summers. These are contracts, and we can’t just break them. Um, yeah we can. Employers do it all the time. It’s called renegotiation. Basically, the employer says, “If you don’t accept this cut, we’ll fire you.” Try it, Edward M. Liddy–you might be astonished at how successful you could be. Please, though, do not trot out that tired old line about ‘having’ to give the money to retain the best and the brightest. I demolished the validity of that mentality yesterday, and let me add, where the fuck are they going to go? Who the fuck is going to want someone who killed the economy–wait, I shouldn’t ask that. With the nifty little Ponzi scheme all you CEOs are running, someone will pick up the dregs because they have been pushed as the best and the brightest.
You know, I’ll do the damn job for a hundred thou a year. I’m intelligent, quick to learn, good with numbers, and I’m fucking honest. I have no interest in ripping off people and getting rich quickly, so maybe I wouldn’t be the best CEO ever. However, I most likely would not have failed on such a spectacular level, and I definitely would not have had the balls to award myself and/or others bonuses after crashing the US economy.
But I digress. Here’s the thing. Yeah, I’m pissed and mad and all that good stuff, but am I shocked? Hell, no. Just as I wasn’t shocked after the two towers fell. See, with the AIG folks, it’s that culture thing again. I’m not explaining it one more time, so just read past posts if you want to understand.
Today, I am focusing on what I would like to do to the AIG execs as well as the execs of other ‘too big to fail’ companies. I want to stress that this is totally an exercise in imagination born out of frustration with the idiots. This is not to be taken at all seriously.
First, all the names of the people who receive bonuses are published on-line so we know who they are. Their names are accompanied by pictures, so we can spot them on the streets. Any time anybody spots one of them, she should run over and demand her money back. Everywhere these leeches go, they should be hounded for money. We can be like collection agencies, only more personal and in-your-face.
Another solution–they are told if they take the money they go to jail. What, I need a reason? No, I don’t. I’m taking a leaf out of W.’s playbook. We can call them enemy combatants and toss their asses in jail. What? Obama’s abolished the term? I’ll come up with something else. How about, “Supreme Leeches, Scumbags of the Earth”? Look, these assholes are doing more to threaten the security of our nation than any so-called terrorists. Surely we can ‘disappear’ them and no one outside of their family would give a damn.
It’s not legal, you say? Tell that to W.! Ok, ok. How about this. We tell them that they will have to pay a hundred percent tax on those bonuses, forcing them to go Galt on us. Of course, they will have to whine about it because they are sooooo specially-talented, they should be able not to pay any taxes, but in the end, they will go Galt and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.
Actually, the hundred percent tax thing doesn’t sound like a bad idea. President Obama? Think you could make that a bill?
Next up. We nationalize that fucking company already, or let it go bankrupt. Either way, the contracts are null and void, and we can kick their asses to the curb. I really would like to take these CEOs on a tour of the shanty towns that are popping up–Boehnertowns? Cantortowns?–so they can see real destituition. Or how about all the people who have been evicted from their homes? I would make the CEOs volunteer at soup kitchens and homeless shelters every day for a month.
In the end, even though the administration and Congress are making a lot of noise, I fully expect nothing to happen. Why? Because that’s exactly what’s happened before. I happen to think it’s because the ones in charge care more about businesses than they do about the people, though I dearly hope they prove me wrong. Somehow, the beggars are the one driving this TARP ship, and we’re all just along for the ride–until they toss us overboard like the jetsam we are. Buckle up, boys and girls! Let’s see how else they can fleece us.