Ok, I know I promised to bring about world peace today, but that will have to be shelved because I have a more pressing problem.
Sex. Or rather, the lack thereof. See, I just hit my sexual peak last night–what? Stop laughing. I did! I could actually feel it when it hit. One minute, I was moderately interested in sex, as I always am, and the next minute, I HAD TO HAVE IT. I have never been addicted to a drug, but I imagine this is what it feels like. I am jonesin’ to get laid, and it’s not happening. Why?
First of all, I don’t have a partner. That hinders things a bit. Second, I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with an inanimate substitute. I have ’em, but I have a hunch it’s not going to be enough. Third, I am not into the bar scene any more. Fourth, I never cared for on-line personals. Fifth, I’m not feeling good about my body right now.
So, what’s a grrl to do?
Well, I pondered tackling it from a research point of view. For the last year or so, I have toyed with the idea of doing a documentary on how easy it is (or not) to get laid (with men) in Minnesota. To that end, I was going to go to various places such as the Mall of America, a bookstore, a nightclub, a bar, a sporting event, etc., and ask a hundred men if they want to have sex with me. My theory was that in a place not set up for meeting someone, such as a bookstore, my odds would be less than in a place like a bar that is conducive to meeting someone. I thought I could get about a 60% positive response in a neutral setting, whereas that number would probably jump up to around 80% in a pickup-specific scene like a dance club. I could even get a federal grant to subsidize my research. Ideally, I would get a documentary out of it.
See, Script Frenzy month is coming up, and I have a great title for it. I normally hate titles, but this one just came to me. It fits with my documentary idea, so it would be a neat way to blend the two. However, I couldn’t finish my project in just one month, so I thought I could do it over the next year, and then write the script for next year’s Script Frenzy.
That’s cool, but I need sex now. It’s a pulsating, physical need. In short, I will have to overcome my distaste for the bar scene and/or the on-line personal ad scene and get my groove on. Otherwise, I may spontaneously combust, leaving little bits and pieces of me strewn all over my computer room. Then, all this sexual energy will go to waste, and that would be a shame.
Minna, girlfriend… I can’t relate at all, so I should keep my mouth shut about this. However, one thing must be said:
Do what you must, but DON’T combust.
You promised me a visit, I’m banking on your following through with it, and I’m expecting one whole Minna, not a handful of little blown-up pieces even IF you could drive a car in that state. It’d make a real mess in the house anyway, you know.
ira2, good to see you on my blog! How about this–I will combust (if I do) AFTER I visit you? Ok? OK!
I’m glad you told me those were flies. I thought it was a really nice ring with garnets or rubies.
Believe me, toys won’t work. Someone should warn us about this. I think it was harder than perimenopause. Hot flashes don’t make you worry that you’re going to do something really stupid, but filling, with someone dangerous or demented.
Xteen, yeah, I can see how you got a ring out of the pic.
Well, for someone to warn us, they would actually have to mention sex and the urge to HAVE IT. This, apparently, makes people uncomfortable (an out-of-control woman, devouring sex along the way).
I better not have to deal with this for two years.
[…] time to pounce. WTF am I talking about? My stupid sexual peak. You can read more about it here, here, and here. Even though Natasha had told me about this affliction in horrible details when […]