Do Me, Baby

Ok.  I know the world is in a full-frontal meltdown, and I promised my solution to world peace, but I am still preoccupied with sex.  That means that world peace will have to be delayed yet another day.  I am gonna be like the AIG execs and hold the world hostage until I get my demands filled–over and over and over again.

By the way, just a quick Fuck You to Rick Santelli and Senator John Kyl for pooh-poohing the outrage over the AIG bonuses.  Santelli, if you remember, is the guy who called foreclosed homeowners losers, and Senator Kyl is tha asshole who demagogued (to use his word) over earmarks in the stimulus bill after inserting a rather large earmark request (or dozen) of his own.  So FUCK YOU BOTH.

I meant that in the symbolic fashion, however, as, even in the overheated state that I am, I would not fuck either of them.  I do have some standards.  In fact, I wrote a personal ad years ago that said I welcomed any gender, race, age (within reason), but that no Republicans were allowed.  I hold true to that today more so than ever.  

Anyway, here is my problem.  Despite my bold on-line persona, I am not nearly as forthright in real life.  I am not an outgoing person (though I can fool people on this because I can pretend), and I prefer staying home than bar-hopping.  Now, staying home with my cats is a fine thing, unless I am looking to get laid.  I mean, I can’t just pick up the phone, dial ‘Gigolos to Go’ and have it the way I want.  Ok, I could, but I refuse to pay for sex based on principles.  I am a female looking (at the moment) to have sex with a man/men.  In theory, that shouldn’t be so difficult, should it?  I’m not ugly; I’m Asian; I have long hair; I have big boobs; and I’m great in bed.  Again, in theory, I shouldn’t have a hard time finding a bed partner.  

In reality, though, it’s not as simple as that.  First of all, I am not a teeny, tiny, giggling Asian woman who is submissive and demure.  Yes, incredibly enough, that stereotype still exists.  I have been dumped more times than I care to count because I wasn’t any of them (except Asian), and I’m especially not submissive.  

Second, I live in Minnesota, which is predominantly white.  I prefer men of color to white men for many reasons, but I know, beggars can’t be choosers.  The real problem is that I can’t turn off my brain.   My friends have various things that are deal-breakers for them when looking for a partner (Kiki’s was Birkenstocks), but I have one.  No, not the Republican thing, though that’s close to a deal-breaker–it’s brains.  I find stupidity and/or ignorance to be a big turnoff.  Even for a one-night stand.  I know, I know, but it’s hardwired into me.  I met the most beautiful man of my life in a nightclub through a mutual (male), um, friend.  Not a friend exactly, but close enough.   

By the end of the night, it was a done deal.  The three of us were going home together.  Fine and dandy.  Beautiful man had brown hair down to ass, and he had full lips–just begging to be kissed.  He had the androgynous look I like in my men, and he had that touch of arrogance that I find so attractive as well.  In a word, he was yummy.  I couldn’t wait to have him.  Funny thing, though, he began talking like an idiot.  He started acting like a little spoiled kid, and it was definitely putting a damper on my mood.  I wanted to tell him, “Hon, you’re getting laid–now just shut up before you ruin it.”

Here is my ideal situation (and yes, I am going to find a way to make it happen).  I meet a guy.  We hit it off.  We flirt for a bit, and then we go to his place to have sex.  After hours of incredible sex, I go home, satisfied.  This can be repeated with as many guys (for now) as needed to get me through my peak.  That’s not too much to ask, is it?

Here is a link for the video, Do Me! by Bell Biv Devoe because I can’t embed it.  I promise once I solve my personal crisis, I will fix the world.