I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to. I just had to get that out of the way. I don’t want to face my past. I don’t want to remember anything else from my forgotten years. I don’t want to discover to what extent I was molested. I just don’t. I… Continue Reading
Healing the Break
I’m not done with yesterday’s entry, surprise, surprise. I do find it funny that I was going to be brief and ended up writing my longest post ever. Still, when I posted it, I felt as if I still had more to say. I knew in general what my readers would say in response because… Continue Reading
Fight or Flight–or Neither
It’s commonly thought that when someone is in a dangerous or threatening situation, the person has two choices–fight or flight. I learned at an early age that there is another choice–disappear. I learned how to freeze my inner soul and then shrink it so it could fit in the corner of my mind. I learned… Continue Reading
Quick Housekeeping Note
I have been asked to provide an email address so readers can contact me directly rather than comment on these pages. To that end, I have changed my About page to my About Me/Contact Me page and added an email addy. It’s at the top, right above the categories. Continue Reading
Why I Blog/I Am Raw
I blog because I can. OK, that’s a flippant answer, which is what I do best–flippancy. In the beginning, I started blogging because I felt like I had a whole lot of shit to say, and I didn’t want to wear out my friends by ranting and railing at them until I turned blue in… Continue Reading
Facing My Demons
My demons are out full force today. They are panicking because I am moving away from them, and they get extra-nasty when they’re mad. They know that this is their last-ditch effort to hold onto me, and so, they are doing their damnedest to reel me back in. They whisper their sweet, seductive lies, and… Continue Reading
I Will Survive?
I have a good memory. My friends will tell you that I can recite conversations almost verbatim, even weeks after we’ve had them. I’ve lost a little of my capacity to store random trivia or lyrics from the eighties as I get older, but that just leaves more room in my brain for more important… Continue Reading
In the Darkness of My Mind*
Deep meditation. Breath in and out. Focus on my breath. Feel rooted, balanced, and centered. Let go of anxiety, tension, and sadness. Focus on my breathing–nothing but my breathing. Flash–She’s two and as cute as a button. She has the traditional Asian bowl cut, and she is standing on top of the coffee table. As she… Continue Reading
Are You There, god? It’s Me, Minna*
Hey, you. Guy in the sky. Are you there? Mom says I should pray to you and listen intently for a response. So. OK. Here’s the deal. BL snapped my bra today as I was walking into school. He was waiting for me, and he did it in front of everybody. He laughed as I… Continue Reading
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
First of all, I have to give a shout-out to John Cole, proprietor of Balloon Juice, and his merry band of co-front pagers. They have been working diligently on amassing the Balloon Juice vernacular and putting them in one place, known as the Balloon Juice Lexicon (link for the letters a – h). The definitions… Continue Reading